The One
by Mademoiselle Obvious
Summary: Who is the real The One? This probably will not help you figure that question out, but it is slightly amusing.


**Disclaimer: **None of this crap belongs to me.

**A/N: **Thought it was gone, did you? Well, it's back! By popular demand/coughEricaonlycough/ Deal with it. She finds it amusing or something, and so do I. /glowers/

XxX

Mme Obvious: Hello. I am Mademoiselle Obvious. Also known as "The One". Yes. The One. The One who will save the world. /bows/ But, since there are _so _many "The Ones", I've decided to invite a couple of my "The One" friends over, so we can discuss who the real One is.

Neo: I am the One. It's quite obvious. I mean, look at my sweet glasses and the cool trench coat. Yeah, that's 100 real leather.

Mme Obvious: I must agree with you on the glasses. Where can I find me some of those..?

Neo: Well, you go down Main Stre-

Anakin: Fools! I am the Chosen One! I can use the Force, I have a light-saber, and Yoda says I'm the One, so it must be true!

Mme Obvious: Yessss…and your outfit is so much cooler! If only I could steal _your _clothes and _Neo's _glasses, I'd have the best Halloween costume eeeever!

Neo: Silence, insolent girl.

Mme Obvious: Well, I never/huffs/

Anakin: How dare you treat a lady thusly!

Neo: Shut up Nancy-boy, or you'll be next!

Anakin/splutter/ Nancy-boy! I'll show you!

Neo/patented Morpheous Bring-It-On hand movement/

Anakin/ignites light-saber/

Mme Obvious: Like ohmigawd!

Neo/pulls out deadly looking guns/

--Insert Rather Wicked Fight Scene (Which will not be described to you due to the fact that the author has almost no creativity, though especially when it comes to fight scenes)—

--End Rather Wicked Fight Scene (Do hope you enjoyed the fight scene)—

Neo/pantpant/ Well, you've got some nice moves….for a Nancy-boy.

Anakin/wipes sweat from forehead/ Take that back, before I use my super-cool Force-choke-thing on you!

Mme Obvious: Weeeeeell…You've got to admit you _are _pretty girly. I mean, you were crying through half of Revenge of the Sith. And your hair….

Anakin: SHUT UP, YOU SITH-SPAWN/advances threateningly towards Mme Obvious/

Mme Obvious: Woah, dude, taking this all a bit personally, aren't we?

Anakin/pulls out light-saber/

Mme Obvious/backs away/ Come now, I think your hair is very nice! I'm just saying it's kind of feminine!

Anakin/ignites light-saber/

Mme Obvious: Meep! Neo, help!

Neo: Aw, come on man, do your own dirty work! I'm trying to catch a date with Trinity!

Mme Obvious: Stupid Neo….

Anakin: Bwhahahahahahaha!

Mme Obvious: Batman! Save meeeee!

Bruce Wayne: Er..kinda busy here…

Dr. Crane: Yes, go away! We're having a..uhm…psych-evaluation. Yes..

Mme Obvious/snicker/ Uh-huh. And _that's _why neither of you are wearing shirts?

Dr. Crane: Stop that. We are not having sexual relations.

Bruce Wayne/mutters/ Yet..

Dr. Crane/closes door/

Mme Obvious: Blast. Mikuni?

Mikuni/smokes cigarette/ Yes?

Mme Obvious: Would you care to combat Annie here?

Mikuni/blows out puff of smoke/ I'd love too, except for the fact that I'm a priest. And I'm obviously gay, so why would I help a snot-nosed punk like you?

Mme Obvious: Ah yes, that's right. Where _is _Kanao anyway?

Mikuni/evil smirk/

Mme. Obvious: I _so _don't want to know. Well, off you go.

Mikuni/wanders off to dress Kanao in more girly outfits/

Mme Obvious: Maybe some other manga character will- Wait. YuJinn is _so _gay. With his cute little braid/squee/

YuJinn: That I am!

Mme Obvious/plays with YuJinn's braid/ Good luck with Darres!

YuJinn/wink/

Mme Obvious: Er…Who else could save me from Anakin…? Wait a second…shouldn't he have killed me by now/looks around/

Anakin: So Obi, come here often?

Obi-Wan/school-girl giggle/

Mme. Obvious: AHA! I KNEW IT/dances around/

Obi-Wan/frowns over at fangirl/

Anakin: Want me to take care of her, love?

Obi-Wan: Yes please.

Mme Obvious: Yikes! Who ever will save little old me?

Harry Potter: Here I come, to save the daaaaaay!

Mme Obvious/face-palm/ Potter _would _be the obvious choice, now wouldn't he? He would save Peter from a mouse-trap if he could.

Snape: Girl! Get away from that boy; he's all mine!

Mme Obvious: Dangit Snape! Don't tell me you're _also_ enamored of the Boy-Wonder!

Snape/patented Snape Death-glare/

Harry Potter/flutters eyelashes at Snape/

Snape: You betcha girly/drags Harry away/

Mme Obvious/waves at Harry/ Bye Potter! I just _can't _stay mad at them! Such a cute couple…But if _those two _are gay, then Sirius and Remus are also../ahem/

Remus: Yeah! And that means stay away from my Siri!

Sirius: Oh Moony, you're so possessive/hugs Remus/

Mme Obvious/blatantly ignores parts of Order of the Phoenix/

Prince Zuko: Did someone mention the Avatar!

Mme Obvious/stare/ No..

Prince Zuko: Oh…Then that means that Sokka isn't around, huh?

Mme Obvious/starestarestare/ Hiiiiii Zuko!

Prince Zuko/backs away/ No! Not another crazed fangirl/throws fire at Mme Obvious and then runs away/

Mme Obvious: Come baaaack! Dang. Well. Aziraphale and Crowley are busy stopping Armageddon and then /ahem/ _celebrating _saving the world. /wink wink/

Hum. I could always ask Ardeth…

Jonathan: No! The Med-Jai is mine!

Mme Obvious: Jonathan? I thought you were straight…You were after all those women in the movies..?

Jonathan: Er…yes, well…You see…

Ardeth: Johnny? We've got to get to that dinner with Rick and Evie.

Mme Obvious: Ardeth! Helloooo.

Jonathan/grabs Ardeth and runs/ She's even worse than the mummies!

Mme Obvious: CURSES! Well. But Ardeth reminds me of another character who also has tattoos on his face, and a hawk on his arm. You all know who I'm talking about, right!

Tristan: Good morrow.

Mme Obvious/squeal/ Tristan! From the movie King Arthur!

Tristan: Yes. I am so awesome.

Mme Obvious: That you are! But you hardly got any movie time!

Tristan: Yes, and then they killed me in the end.

Mme Obvious/strokes his hair/ Don't speak of it! Stupid Saxons!

Tristan: That's right! I'm dead! Which means…/poof/

Mme Obvious: Nuuuuuuooo! Stupid Tristan with his rad bow and arrows.

Legolas/sneaks up behind Mme Obvious/

Mme Obvious: Now….let's see. The Hobbits are absolutely useless in a fight…

Pippin: Second breakfast?

Mme Obvious: Er..No, thank you..

Legolas: Let me protect you, Lady Obvious!

Mme Obvious: EEP! SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THE DERANGED ELF!

Hobbits/tackle Legolas and drag him away/

Legolas: NOO!

Mme Obvious/cackle/ You can do _whatever _you want with him, Hobbit-dears. Phew. That was a close one, eh? Oh no! That's all my favorite characters! Well..excepting Legolas. How the hell did he get in here anyway? And none of them will save me from Anakin/glares over at Anakin/

Anakin:

Mme Obvious: What the? Where'd he go? And where's Obi-Wan…? Oooooh. /nudgenudge/

Legolas: I'm back!

Mme Obvious: Oh nuuoo! Stupid Hobbitses.

Lucian/uses uber-cool short-swords down his sleeves to kill Legolas/

Mme Obvious: Lucian! Aren't you also dead?

Lucian: Well, technically, since I drank Michael's blood, I am also a hybrid. I just had to die to gain my newfound vampiric strength.

Mme Obvious: Ah. That makes perfect sense!

Lucian: Of course it does.

Mme Obvious: You have nice hair. /braids it/

Lucian: Why thank you. I think you have nice glasses.

Mme Obvious/blush/ You silver-tongued devil!

Lucian: I've forgotten all about Sonja; my love for you has overridden any trace that was left for her! Now we can run away and get married!

Mme Obvious: And turn me into a hybrid!

Lucian: Hm? Well, I suppose. If we run into Michael. But I'll _definitely _make you into a Lycan.

Mme Obvious: Sweet!

Lucian: Now come, my love, our carriage awaits.

Mme Obvious: Er…carriage?

Lucian/waves hand dismissively/ Carriage, car, whatever. That thing over there. /points to a car that looks suspiciously like the Punishers/

Mme Obvious/drool/

Lucian: And to prove my love for you…./pulls out sword/ For you!

Mme Obvious/drool/

Lucian: Aaaaand/pulls out Jedi clothes, along with a light-saber/

Mme Obvious/passes out/

Lucian: I'll take that to mean you like the gifts!

Anakin: Hey! Give me back my Jedi robes!

Obi-Wan: And my light-saber!

Lucian: Well. It didn't _look_ like you needed your clothes. Though you /were/ using your light-sabers. If you know what I mean.

Anakin/blushblush/

Sabriel: And give me back my sword!

Mme Obvious: What the fluck are you doing here, Sabriel?

Lucian: I bought the sword fair and square, Sabriel!

Sabriel: I was just lonely…

Mme Obvious: Oh for heavens sake..Go back to Touchstone and Mogget, Sabriel!

Anakin: What about _our _stuff!

Lucian: To the carriage/grabs Mme Obvious and drags her to the car/

Mme Obvious: Ahahahahahahaha! This is so leet! What pwnzing gifts, Lucian!

Lucian: To Las Vegas!

Mme Obvious/stare/

Lucian: You know….Wedding chapels..?

Mme Obvious: Uh…right. But..I'm not old enough to get married.

Lucian: Ahm…Well…We'll just…uh…I'll come back in 5 years, mmk?

Mme Obvious: Dang. You're gonna make me go to college.

Lucian: A good education is important.

Mme Obvious/rolls eyes/ Fine.

Lucian: To Starbucks/drives away/

Jack: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!

Will: Jack..? There's no one here.

Jack: Don't be ridiculous Will!

Will: We must be late. I _told _you we should've stopped for directions!

Jack: Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! I don't _need_ to ask for directions! Savvy?

Will/sigh/ Yes Jack, we've been over all this. I honestly don't know _why_ I stick around.

Jack: 'Cause I'm so dashing.

Will: Yes..that's why…

Jack/sweeps Will into romantic kiss/

Mme Obvious/swoon/

Lucian/sips from Starbucks cup/

Anakin: This is so ridiculous..

Obi-Wan: Come on, dear, we're leaving..

Mme Obvious: Oh my..All the hot guys making out. /faints/


End file.
